Him On Love, Him In Love

BY JPDSUMMERS24

He is puzzled about how people deal with emotions. While it is a given that people have different personalities and different perspectives, thinking about how to respond oftentimes is what we all need to deal with.

Love is one of the most common emotions we feel towards other people, yet most of us get confused. He gets confused. He doesn't even know what to do if he's the one involved. But there is one thing he knows for sure - he understands the feeling.

As a kid, he is someone who tends to be alone and deal all his problems alone. Introvert at its finest, he feels perfectly comfortable in solitude, and is happy at it. He has few acquaintances at school, and even lesser people within his core group of friends.

His first love was in high school. A beautiful girl, Kim, who was the sister of his friend. He considered this his puppy love. The affection was not that deep, but he feels so overwhelmed. Furthermore, he was more of love struck in a sense that he feels he's in love, he thinks he's in love, but he didn't know how to express it. They didn't even have an official date. This went on for a few months and it ended when Kim went home to her province.

Unfortunately, the affection lingered for years - 4 years to be specific. He was not sure if there's someone who can accept him at this early stage of his life. He's had some girls who did have a special place in his heart. He did try to express himself, but failed.

He had a crush on his friend's JS Prom partner, Nessa, and decided to court her. There were times when he went to her house in a bike just to see her. But things ended when it was revealed that she already had a lesbian lover.

He also had a crush on one of the top cadette officers of the school, Venus. With the help of his peers, he was able to dance with her at the prom. But she felt forced, and even though the song hasn't ended yet, Venus told him they should stop because she needed to look for someone.

He had a connection with one of his colleagues in the school club, Ann. They have become phone pals and spent several hours talking anything under the sun. He even went with her to a different city just to assist her doing an interview with an underground painter. But one fateful day, she failed to meet him and left him hanging on a spot where he waited with flowers in his hand - because she forgot.

He had an infatuation with his schoolmate's sister, Rina. She was very sexy and had many suitors. No feelings was revealed but the spark was there. He fetched her at school but there was a particular time that she had him wait for hours. It was an ultimatum for him and decided to quietly detach himself from her. It was only after several years, they meet up again, Rina - who already had a boyfriend - revealed to him that if he'd only tell her how he felt and courted her before, she would've said yes.

Time passes by, the shadow of Kim still does not leave him. He still yearned for his first love. It stopped when he met the feisty Tracy. They went to college together for just one semester. She was the exact opposite of the typical girl he likes but he was very attracted to her. She has a short hair, she smokes, she drinks and she cusses - what a rebel. When their group had a successful project, they decided to celebrate. At this point, most of their classmates felt their mutual feelings because of their closeness. When she got drunk, their classmates teased him to take her home and he obliged. She eventually sobered up during the trip, decided to go to the nearest movie house with him and they get more intimate. He finally broke the curse and had a new girlfriend! Later that same night, Tracy told him to help her to go to her part time job in a fastfood chain. But she had him leave far from the store because she had her boyfriend waiting for her.

After this, he turned his attention to Celine. She witnessed the closeness of him and Tracy but just kept mum about it. He felt that Celine likes him so he tried to court her. However, she only likes him as a friend which he gladly accepted.

He had ventured a different path and concentrated on his spirituality. There, he met Jona. They immediately got close but no feelings was revealed yet. When she went to the province and decided to stay there, he did his best to reach out by doing long distance calls and writing letters.

Then he met Raye. She was very nice and kind. They revealed their mutual feelings for each other and things went smoothly. But for the third time, Raye also had to go back to her province. Coincidentally - Kim, Jona and Raye had the same state province. After a few months, he heard from trusted friends that Raye got married in the province. Raye later confirmed it through a text message.

He also met Salma who was a member of an elite singing group of the city district. Since he was very friendly and accommodating with girls, other people thought he was a playboy, esp. Salma's brother. Being a keyboardist and guitarist of a local group, he was also hailed as their leader. Salma was assigned to coordinate with his group and they became friends. Things escalated when she revealed her feelings to him, but the feelings were not mutual. He respectfully rejected Salma and urged her to continue singing. At this point, it dawned in him that he is in love with Jona.

After years of living in the province, Jona came back. But this time, even though he knew the feelings were mutual, he was set aside because Jona had a crush on Oliver. Eventually, they became lovers, and he was devastated. But because Jona's parents do not approve of their relationship, Oliver and Jona had separated. This was the opening he had been waiting for. He revealed his feelings to Jona and she said yes. They eloped and got married. And for the first time in so many years - he was happy and he was emotionally secured. He always dreamed of having someone by his side. He loved Jona very much. After more than a year in marriage, they were blessed with a child.

But things didn't go smoothly. They had several problems over the years but they endured - until they encountered their biggest challenge and needed to go separate ways. It was irreconcilable. To be fair, he also had his share of wrongdoings but he did his best to be a good person. Here's what happened ---

At work, he met several women much more attractive than Jona but he tried his best to be faithful. He met a married woman named Lilian. She was a head-turner and very sweet to him. He became close with Lilian when they were teammates. But they lost touch when they were separated to other teams. It was only when they chatted recently that he was able to somehow indirectly say that he liked her, because he spoke in third person. Lilian's response was meaningful and intriguing: "Why didn't he tell her?" Anyway, they still remain good friends even if they don't talk frequently. Lilian is now a dedicated mother and wife.

He also met Laura. Now, this was a whirlwind romance. He likes her and she likes him. It was a fling, maybe semi-serious. He was married, and she has a boyfriend. They dated several times and they were very intimate. But because he was married, guilt was eating him alive. They ended their relationship and was put in a full stop when she resigned from the company.

Then he met Celia. They had a platonic relationship. He and Celia became very close and they are always together during breaks. Jona discovered this and things go haywire. Jona wanted to divorce him, but he managed to patch things up. It was only after that he realized Celia was actually very cute, and Jona's jealousy was justifiable. A year after this was when he and Jona had separated.

He divorced her and she didn't complain. Jona knew it was her fault. Jona also knew that it was pointless to get back together with him because she knew his character. They have talked about this before. He told her he will never ever fight for someone who doesn't fight for him as well.

It was a rough ride for him. He was very angry at Jona. He was also angry at himself. What kept him going was his faith in God. He knew he was not perfect. But he cannot bear the thought of getting back together with Jona, and Jona felt the same way.

After a couple of years, he found it in his heart to forgive. He still doesn't want to get back together with Jona, but he felt it's time to forgive. And he did, with the help of God, time did heal.

The process of moving forward was a very tough road. He is used to having a partner for several years. But now, he is on his own - again.

He had some friends whom he had told everything. One of them is Janice. She is lively and very transparent. He doesn't like her in-your-face attitude but due to some common circumstances, they grew closer. He was even very protective of her. But things didn't go further because she was not interested in him romantically and he understands it.

He also met Mary. He likes her very much and he even thought the feelings were mutual since there were times when she was very sweet to him. But it was just a false hope because after several months, she eventually had a boyfriend in their company.

He met Lizzie. She was very sweet and made him feel special. The problem was, she has a boyfriend. He did fall to her at some point but his feelings were not that deep yet. Apparently, her feelings were, so when she told him that she was getting confused, he realized that he was the third party in a relationship. He does not want that. He told her how can he help her. Lizzie told him to block him on all platforms of communications and he obliged.

Recently, he is very much infatuated with Jenny. It's funny that it's been more than a year now and he still haven't revealed nor expressed his feelings to her. Jenny has a situation similar to him so he was being very cautious. He knows how hard it is after ending a long relationship. He really doesn't know why but it might be pistanthrophobia (fear of trusting someone) or philophobia (fear of becoming emotionally connected with another person). But he likes her very much. It was when he admitted to himself he likes Jenny, that he felt he already moved on from Jona.

Up until now, he doesn't know what to do next.

Love is very dangerous game. He doesn't know if he still has the strength and will to love again. He is confused but one thing is sure, he really likes Jenny very much. The confusion stems from his current situation. For the second time, he is doubtful that there is someone who can accept him and his predicament. He is doubtful if Jenny will accept him at all.

Love should not be confusing. Yet he is still very confused...